Citrus Mints
by Renegader
Summary: A short parody of a conversation between myself and Kairee -- AKA MarsOutcast -- as she transformed it into a brief bought of trauma for poor Shippou, caused unintentionally by Inuyasha and Miroku.


Kagome and Sango had shaken out their respective bedrolls as soon as dusk hit. When Inuyasha opened his mouth to complain, the glares of the ferociously exhausted females caused it to shut with an audible click.

Miroku and Inuyasha sat a respectable distance away from the girls while Shippou curled up next to Kagome's already snoring form. Miroku assumed a meditative position.

Time passed, but how much Inuyasha didn't know. Before long, however, he leaped over to a dark lump in the night. Seizing it in triumph, he brought it gleefully back over to where Miroku was sitting peacefully.

Inuyasha sat down and opened the flap of Kagome's pack with a flick of his wrist. He reached in his hand and started searching blindly for something.

Upon hearing the muffled movements coming from the hanyou's direction, Miroku lazily opened his eyes, then widened them further with a shocked gasp.

"Inuyasha!" Miroku hissed quietly. "What are you doing, going through Lady Kagome's things!"

Inuyasha grunted and continued his search. "Exactly what you just said: Going through her things. Idiot."

Looking highly affronted, Miroku pulled an ofuda out from his robes. Without looking up, Inuyasha said, "Don't even try it."

Miroku sniffed indignantly and informed him,"I was only inspecting it to be sure it would hold up against the next demon we fight. I wasn't planning on doing anything."

Meanwhile, Inuyasha had been pulling out all kinds of objects from Kagome's pack. Lollipops, crayons, hairspray, bandages, and many other random items littered the ground.

"Really, Inuyasha, you _shouldn't _be going through Lady Kagome's possessions. I mean, she gives up a lot of her privacy whenever she travels with us, and her bag is one of the…only things…..she…" Miroku trailed off as he noticed what the hanyou was holding up gleefully in his clawed hand.

Citrus mints.

Earlier in the day when Kagome had come through the Bone-Eaters Well, she had brought a few new things with her.

Looking at the group of anxious shard-hunters, she said, "Now guys, you know I can't really spare anything I bring with me. But….I guess you can each try one of these." She held up a shiny, orange container the size of her palm. "Other than this, though, they are only for Inuyasha's horrible morning breath."

Ignoring Inuyasha's indignant sputtering and threats, Kagome allotted each member of the group one small, circular, white object. Everyone excepting her stood around with a stumped look on their face.

Sighing, Kagome brought her own special item to her mouth and exaggerated the process of laying it on her tongue. Sango was the only one who actually saw this process and copied it, but it had a certain domino effect. Soon everyone was standing around with an orange-speckled _thing _slowly melting on their tongue.

Inuyasha was the first to speak. "What do we do now?" he tried to growl around the possibly dangerous item in his mouth, but it came out "Wha' 'oo we 'oo 'ow?"

Kagome giggled and said easily, "You just close your mouth and taste it. Don't chew it or anything, let it melt."

The group shrugged as one and complied. Looks of wonderment began to creep over their faces.

"These are good!" Shippou exclaimed while Kirara chirped in agreement.

Kagome looked down at him and ruffled his orange hair.

"Aren't they? They're my favorite flavor. They're called citrus mints."

Ever since the mint incident the mints themselves had been on everyone's minds. Now, face-to-cover with ample supply of the delicacies, Miroku could offer no resistance.

The monk lunged wildly toward Inuyasha, and more importantly, the tin of mints. Momentarily surprised, Inuyasha barely had time to dodge.

"What the hell do you think you are doing!" He exclaimed as quietly as possible.

"Give me some!" Miroku ignored his question and jumped towards him again.

Leaping upwards, Inuyasha taunted, "Ask nicely and you can have it!"

Miroku stopped in his tracks and straightened his disheveled clothing. "Fine." He said in a regal tone. "May I _please _have some?"

Inuyasha blinked, then grumbled a bit.

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Here you go."

Inuyasha held two citrus mints in his palm, meaning one for him and one for Miroku. However, Miroku deemed himself worthy of both. The monk snatched the two mints out of the calloused hand and popped them into his mouth as fast as possible. Inuyasha looked down at his hand, surprised, then back at Miroku. He growled, looking sullen and sulky. Inuyasha shook one more mint out of the can for himself, then replaced the tin in Kagome's bag. The two males sat down and enjoyed the citrus goodness.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Mlehhhhhh…." Miroku stuck out his tongue and displayed the two slightly dissolved mints to the clearing at large. He squinted downward with a cross-eyed expression and exclaimed, "Hey, I can see it on my tongue!" Of course it came out a bit garbled because of his protruding tongue, but Inuyasha got the general idea.

Inuyasha stuck out his tongue towards Miroku in retaliation (Mlehhhhhh) and took an awkward look at his own mint.

"Mine is bigger than yours!" He informed Miroku in a derisive tone.

Miroku gave the hanyou a strange look.

"I almost said mine ARE bigger than yours, but then I realized I only had one." Inuyasha continued.

"I have two!" Miroku cheered.

"Yeah, well now I don't have any because I ate mine." Inuyasha pouted.

"Hey, me too!" Miroku responded.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Awwww…" the two males said in unison.

Shippou had been sleeping peacefully when he awoke to a loud "What the hell do you think you are doing!" Bolting up, he was too groggy to make anything out clearly in the dark forest. His senses on high alert, he remained upright for quite some time. Well, quite some time for a morbidly tired kitsune child. In reality it was more like a few seconds. Right as he was falling back into a peaceful slumber, he heard voices again. It took him a few minutes to identify the voices as Inuyasha and Miroku's.

"Give me some!"

"Ask nicely and you can have it!"

"Fine. May I _please _have some?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Here you go."

A few moments passed, then:

"Mlehhhhhh….Hey, I can see it on my tongue!"

"Mlehhhhhh….Mine is bigger than yours! I almost said mine ARE bigger than yours, but then I realized I only had one."

"I have two!"

"Yeah, well now I don't have any because I ate mine."

"Hey, me too!"

Silence….

"Awwww…"

Shippou was young. He didn't try to deny it. But even at his age he knew what that conversation sounded like. And it highly disturbed him.

Turning tail and bolting back underneath the covers to the safety of Kagome's arms, he opened the sleeping bag flap just enough to uncover his mouth.

"**PUT THEM AWAY!**"

A/N: Most of the dialogue in the Miroku-Inuyasha conversation was an actual conversation, as best as Kairee could remember it, between her and myself.


End file.
